I Want You To Want Me
by Mai-Tt
Summary: You find it weird and oddly unsettling that the one time she doesn't smile at you,you realize how much you want that attention.You're ready to finally acknowledge her,but she's looking through you,not at you.You know her favorite color,animal,and her dreams. Combined they make her a cliché. The part that wants her sees she's not. "What do you want from me?" "I want you to want me."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hope you guys like it!**

**Disclaimer: I totally don't own any of the characters mentioned.**

You find it weird and oddly unsettling that the one time she _doesn't _smile at you, you realize how much you want that attention. She literally just strolled by you with a smile on her face, and you were ready to finally acknowledge her, when you realized she was looking _through you, _not _at you_. It wasn't a whole lot of thought when it passed through your mind as you followed her with your eyes, a feeling of envy washing over you as you noticed that her smile is directed at some boy. You know his name, but you don't give a damn about him, just the fact that he isn't you. You like her. You really, _really_ like her.

That certainly explains everything. On your part anyway. Before, everyone just assumed that you hated her, and not that you really got it then, but it wasn't ever the truth. You liked messing with her, and that she fed into it all the time. It was fun, making her sputter. Except, no one really understood the meaning of playful banter, maybe because when it came to _real _insults, even you couldn't deny that you were fucking _fierce_. Maybe you're in a league of your own, maybe she was more fragile than you thought?

Shows just how well your friends know you, they can't decipher your playful from your vicious, but it's just not like you to be less when it comes to your remarks so they can clearly see the difference. But just think of where that willingness to reinvent yourself could've gotten you _now._ You could be smiling back at Vega, mocking her, and telling her things that you've never even thought about consciously.

Like how good she looks from behind. Beside the point, sure, but definitely worth noting.

The point is, you're not even uncomfortable with the idea that you're into her. You have absolutely no idea why, because despite your being forced to hang out with her, you've not the slightest clue what she's really like. You know her favorite color, her favorite animal, and you know her dreams. You know that the combination of all these things: purple, kittens, and to be a famous singer; they make her a cliché. But the part of you that _wants her_ is telling you that she's not.

It was gradual, and if they were really paying attention, or if _you _had paid attention, it would've been obvious. You went from crude remarks to being awkward around her. You couldn't stop staring at her legs because they just looked so… smooth. You were lingering when your hand brushed hers, but brutal if she pointed it out. You were like a school boy with a crush, and no one, not even you, was able to notice. Maybe people scrap the idea that when a boy (girl) likes a girl, he (she) will find ways to talk to them, hold their attention, touch them. Even if those are negative ways, but you've damn sure always been able to hold their attention, e_xcept for now._

She's making eyes at other guys, and you're out of the spotlight.

That sort of rhymed.

But still, she is, and it's true she probably got tired of chasing you. Not like she was interested, but she's the type that wants an _invested_ friendship. You were a "meanie" to her. She held you with high expectations and you let them down all the time, unconsciously trying to make being a bane to her existence your nonchalant way of keeping her in your life. It's nothing like when you're with the others, and you always assumed that it was that way because it amused you, but _damn_.

You want her.

You don't go into panic mode. You've barely ever had a crush, but there's this pull, an ache that's threatening to make your heart rip itself out in order to relieve it. It's not the fact that you like her that's unsettling. No, it's the dramatic side, the overstated part of your brain that's constantly reminding you that you've come to this conclusion as she's walking away.

You can't bring yourself to think anything. It's a thought process when you think about it now, and it sort of amazes you just how fast it's happening before your very eyes. It's a moment when your brain is confusing itself literally tying itself into knots as it places the pieces together.

One part is saying you like her, another part is responding "okay" trying to comfort you. Another part is wondering what in the _hell _it's supposed to mean for you, and the other is feeling a little lonely. Another is thinking about sexuality and why you feel _nothing _but _somehow everything you can't say. _Something in the left side of your chest aches while yet another is telling you it's because you're subconsciously remembering what a heart is and how it's portrayed in the _books._ The rational side is there now telling you the ache isn't real, and it's sending signals to the rest of your body making it stand still so your brain can end it's process as far as subconsciously figuring this out goes. Then there's one part that rings clear, even as you heart tugs in your chest leaving a dull thud that translates into muffled screaming of _"why?!" _along with your initial thought, and among your thought process, the only one you realize at the moment she's walking by you. It's like two parts of you speaking to each other.

I like her. I like a girl.

Okay.

It's not confirmation, and you go numb. All of those other things occurred in the time it took for those words to sink in and you keep it moving till you get on the bus, because you sister's borrowing your car. You don't think as you sit down, or as the bus starts to move. You keep your eyes on the view from the windows and you sometimes imagine her. It's nothing wrong or right about it yet, and for the time being in your mind, it just _is_. You don't care about what anyone might say, because somehow it still doesn't completely register and you find yourself picturing her until it _does.  
_

You see her the next day, and you knew you weren't being overly dramatic yesterday because you see her in her entirety today. You notice her hair, how soft her face looks, the curve of her lips, and how her voice seems to coat you and goad the ache in your heart out again. It's not a bad ache. You actually relish in it in a way, because some part of you already accepts it. It's uncomfortable. Like a remnant of a cramp in your foot. So maybe ache is too strong of a word, and maybe it's mental but you have come to notice that you've never felt the word _ache _as you do right now. It's a pain, and some say pain is mental. But if you're going on what you feel now? Fuck them, and fuck _you _because it _hurts._

Somehow, you know that it's a good kind of pain though. You almost feel important, like you were chosen specifically to feel like this. You never felt this way with Beck. Though that's probably because you had a chance with him. Tori, however, is an entirely different ball game.

Literally, you think to yourself as for the first time in a while you smile back, you switched teams, you laugh out loud at the thought. You don't mind being dramatic, you like theatrics. You don't however like liars, regardless of how skilled you are in the art of deceit. So how do you feel about keeping it to yourself that you've got a thing for a Vega? Not bad, it's no one else's business, that's all. You stick to that when Robbie points out how spacey you've been.

No matter how hard you try to keep your cool, you can't ignore your feelings for her. You literally moan when her shirt rides up as she stretches at lunch. Cat looks at you funny but you don't pay her any mind. You distance yourself from Tori, not purposely, but if she's not around, you're not awkward. You don't constantly lick your lips, and nothing… stirs under the hood… You're in check. But maybe you hurt her feelings. She stops talking to just you, only around when you're with mutual friends. You miss when she would come and nag to _just _you, but you can't tell her that. So you leave her be, and it hurts, but that pain has you now convinced it's mental, and that's not to say that you're crazy, no.

Just that you've developed a tolerance for it. You figure out that it had hurt her at one moment in time you'll never really be able to save yourself from. It's on that day that the ache becomes a bad sort of pain. Before it was longing. Now it's a wound. Fuck your ego, but she hurt your feelings.

For months before you subconsciously developed a space for the girl in your heart, you constantly denied friendship, for what reason you've no idea at this point.

You're making a mental note to apologize for it sometime, because, _fuck._

You never realized how bad it hurt.

She was talking to some nondescript girls in your year as you walked by. You heard snippets here and there, because you're nosy, and you can't deny your stalking her from afar. They were talking about a party, who was invited, why, why not, the usual. Vega was throwing some type of party at her house, and one of the girls asked if you would be there. Tori bit her lip awkwardly and shook her head. The words came out of her mouth and you saw the girls and her look at you.

"She's just… we're not really friends I guess. I just don't know her all that well." Her eyes shot up when she noticed you, as did the others, presumably to gauge your reaction. You saw her sort of cringe even as the words fell from her mouth, like she started something, but she didn't want to finish it, it just happened that way. You were only half paying attention, but it registered a second after. You just pursed your lips and shrugged, as though it didn't affect you, always trying to look aloof. You went to class that day and you thought about how much it did hurt, what other methods you could've come up with to keep your feelings under wraps. You know, she really wasn't at fault. She wanted to be your friend in the very beginning, and you took that feeling of attention, of _being wanted _for granted. It was your fault, but she was deeply connected to it, but it was still your fault, which pissed you off because it still hurt like hell.

Later that day you catch her at the vending machine by her locker and you walk up behind her. She grabs a Wahoo Punch and turns abruptly after you clear your throat. She raises her eyebrows when you don't say anything, and it becomes awkward pretty fast. She sips it and you try to figure out why the hell you wanted to talk to her in the first place.

Oh yeah, you wanted to hear her voice.

"You got any gum, Vega?" You ask, examining your fingernails. She nods still a bit confused as to why you're there. She hands a stick to you, and it's small, so your hands touch. You try your best not to draw attention to it, and to pull away the right time so it doesn't seem like you crave that contact, but you're feeling self-conscious and you just _know _that she knows. She nods and prepares to walk off after you thank her, but you call her back and somehow you pull her to the closet.

She stumbles in after you and whines about almost spilling her punch before you turn on the lights. Well, it's just a naked bulb, so make that light. She takes the same pose as before, and sips that damn punch, drawing your eyes back to her mouth.

"Jade, not to rush you or anything but… Why are we in the closet again?" She raises an eyebrow. You tilt your head to the side.

"Can we be friends again?" You ask. Your eyes widen along with hers and you almost open your mouth to try again, because you don't want to be friends, but you realize that you need it. You need her in any way that she'll allow. It's your turn to chase.

"Uh, again? Since when were we ever friends?" Her nose scrunches, but you get it 'cause it's a valid question. You denied all friendship for a long time.

"Can we be friends _now_?" You ask. She studies you, and you let her, because this is much more intimate than the furtive glances you spare on her so frequently nowadays.

"You heard what I said earlier?" She asked. You nodded but your throat tightened, because what were you going to do if she said no? "Did I um… Did I hurt your feelings? I'm really sorry if I did, I just thought that you really didn't like me anymore. I mean, you completely ignore me now, this is the first time we've had a real conversation in weeks. Before, I always assumed that we were kind of friends, but all of a sudden you wanted nothing to do with me."

"I wasn't doing it on purpose." You inwardly groaned because you really weren't thinking things through before you said them. You totally _were_ doing it on purpose! And you _had _hurt her feelings, something you never really thought about before, but you've had plenty of time to do just that lately. You wanted to make it right, so you _kept fucking talking. _You don't condone lying.

"I was just trying to understand some things. I needed to be alone for a while. But now, unless you don't want to, I'd like to at least be friends." You had went over that one a few times after it you're your mouth. It wasn't bad, for you to be so nervous, so distracted, and so pissed off for feeling that way. It was short and sweet, you totally got your point across clearly.

"At _least_?" She narrowed her eyes. You tried not to let it show, but you tensed up. You hadn't meant for it all to come out like that after all. Well, you had but… Damn it. You're sure your face is on fire while she stares at you intently. It makes you wanna cry because you think that she knows, that you're less than what you were before you came up with this stupid idea to pull her into the janitor's closet with no plans.

"… What else would you want?" She bit her bottom lip and you know she heard your breath hitch in your throat, and you know she can see your face is the color of a fucking tomato, but you can't come up with a lie at the moment, so you repeat yourself.

"Can we be friends or not, Vega?" You look down at the ground and she seems to gravitate closer, or maybe you do, and if this was at all like any of the books you've read, this is a crucial moment for you.

"Jade, what do you want from me?" She throws away her can and you follow its path in a ditch effort to avoid her eyes.

"I wanna be friends." You realize that you just whispered that, but it's no matter because she's close enough to hear it. You find yourself staring at her lips, wondering about the chances of your first girl crush being into girls, or just into_ you_.

"That's the least right?" She asks, and you know that this is your chance to take everything back, tell her it wasn't meant to sound that way, that you just want a truce. You don't.

The ache is back but it's a different type of uncomfortable, and she's got your engine running, but something in you has snapped, so you play along, but you can just barely find it in you to think of this as some sort of game.

"What are you willing to give, Tori?" You whisper again, and unlike last time when your… "switch" wasn't on, it registers when _your _voice makes _her _shudder. You're noticing everything, only vaguely wondering how all this is happening.

Her hand drops down to graze your forearm and your eyes are trained only on her as she gets closer. Her staggered breath fans along your face, her fingertips fully grasp your arm but you shake them off and fix both of your hands on her waist. She shivers and her body seems to sink into your grip, even though she hasn't moved again. You swallow visibly and she sets one hand on your shoulder and her other cups the side of your face as you both lean in. You stop, just millimeters apart and appreciate the fact that something you'd never even considered, a kiss, was in your near future.

She tightened her grip on your shoulder and you pulled her even closer before placing your lips together. It sent bristles up your spine and your bodies seemed to roll into one another looking to take each other in completely. The kiss was tentative, it was as though you were both trying to savor it. Your heart felt like it had flown away and your breathing picked up as you noticed how compliant her lips were with yours. They were so soft, it felt like you were drowning in them, in _her_.

You know that's a total cliché, but until recently, you never saw how accurate they could be. You let out a sigh bordering on a moan before you both pulled away, still holding on, because the shock that seemed to be pulsing through the both of you was just too overwhelming. You leaned your foreheads together and breathed each other in.

"Jade?" She whispered. You opened your eyes, though you don't remember closing them. Hers were closed still. You squeezed her hips in response. "What do you want from me?"

You had to think, because you really weren't completely sure. Over the past few weeks, realizing you liked Tori didn't come with realizing why. You just did. But there was one thing you knew you wanted.

"I want you to want me."

**A/N: Hi! I just wrote this last night after surfing through the site. I stumbled across an author's old story where they did a revision of a journal entry basically. This will be my first posting of one of my stories anywhere, and I was going to upload something else but it wasn't as heartfelt. I basically went through this when I had a crush on this girl, though, I was waaaaayyyyy more dramatic than I made Jade, and I didn't get to kiss her but… Yeah. I was inspired by the fact that their story was meaningful to them, when I was about to post something yesterday that lacked a lot of feeling. I realized I wasn't rusty, but I wasn't feeling it! So, I revised a version of something that happened and sort of forced myself to relive it… Painful, but I like it. You can tell when I start adding Jori elements. This isn't my first fic, might as well be though, I am feeling a teeny bit rusty. Been meaning to make an account for like 4 years now -.- but here I am! I would love to hear your thoughts, I'll just be happy to get one review even if it were to be mean… But I know it won't be, because I have faith in you!**

**Mai_Tt :):**


	2. OpenClose

**DISCLAIMER: Definitely don't own the rights to any of the characters mentioned.**

You don't remember there being this much space between you before. She hopped back a bit too quickly for your taste, and you almost feel offended, but you're too hung up on the fact that you don't know _how_ to feel to actually feel. You could panic, beg her not to say anything, because it would ruin your reputation or something, but you wouldn't care, so what now? She wouldn't look at you, but your soul had just been bared and you were feeling the numbness again. You didn't hear her say anything as she walked out the door to the closet, and you can't say you would've been prepared if she had. It almost hurts. Almost, because it's a regular thing now for parts of you to sporadically be in pain.

You see her there in the halls, and you try not to show her that it sort of kills you not to be able to touch her. You're like an addict having withdrawals, because your hands shake, and you have trouble sleeping, and they call it a mind thing but now you're afraid you're crazy. But you're not, even though you know that you couldn't convince anyone else of that. You saw it coming though, you just didn't get to guard it because she's a lot to handle for you.

You tell yourself that's all because she has a reputation, and it kind of pisses you off because it hurts your feelings but your logic is that everyone doesn't need to know. It's almost this silent pack that you're constantly agreeing to when your eyes catch. It's almost as though she's daring you to say something, and you almost want to take said challenge because you know that it would end the pain. But you also thought you knew you had no chance with Tori, but certain incidents don't do much to kill the hope in your heart.

It's true, hope is the thing that kills you. You dare to hope that somewhere in all her smiles and laughs, a part of her is waiting to shoot one your way. That's the part that hurts the most and the part that makes you want to regret the fact that you refuse to regret the kiss in the first place. You know, but refuse to acknowledge that, the fact that you're dwelling on that hope is your very demise. It's the reason you're so quiet lately. All you ever do is think nowadays, and you've never really spent this much time in your brain, but it's rather nice there sometimes and you've been doing better in school, but that's not the point.

You want to find something in there that will express how you feel. You're holding a secret and you completely understand that riddle now.

What's too much for one, not enough for three, but just right for two?

A secret.

But Vega's not in the picture at the moment, and this is too much for you to handle alone right now. You're overwhelmed and you feel pathetic. You want out of your mind because it's annoying you, and again so are thoughts of Tori. It's so hard to think about her because you can't stop but you don't want to. She's toxic, the very thought of her is a drug, and she's the conductor of every train of thought you seem to follow. Its then you finally remember. You remember why you've denied her for so long. Or why you had anyway.

It hurt before too. It's been almost a year and a half, but you remember the pain that comes from overthinking things like Tori.

You were afraid of her. She's never intimidated you because you just have too much self-confidence to be intimidated, or so you thought, but that's the beauty of the subconscious. You literally locked her out before. She's too much to handle, too much to think about. You were trying to protect yourself from the pain, but you're so damn curious, you opened the Pandora's Box that is the mere thought of her once again. You brought fire, pain, _feeling _to your world again. It's not hard to settle into a numbness. You do it often in fact. But you had a lock on the box before, his name was Beck. You being alone was the key, _is _the key to the pain you feel. It's you being left alone with your thoughts.

It makes so much sense you find yourself at Cat's house one night just because she talks so much it literally sends you into a mind fuck if you let it, which you do tonight. Because if she wasn't here, you swear you'd be calling Vega. She has seriously singlehandedly kept this conversation going, but there's one thing you do register,

"Are you okay?"

It stops whatever you were previously thinking about because holy shit. This may be a way out for you. Maybe.

"I'm okay, why?"

Shit you're stupid. Should've said no.

"You seem different lately."

Obviously, Cat is not.

But that's a good thing, because no one else has pointed anything out, but since Cat did, maybe you need to work on hiding your emotions better.

"Different how?" You ask.

"Well, you're all quiet now. Even when Tori says something stupid, you never say anything anymore."

You look at her differently now, because you know it should've been someone else to point this out, but maybe you're not giving enough credit to Cat. Or you could just be overestimating your friends.

"Oh…well I thought that you guys didn't like it when we fought?" Because you remember them saying that when you and Beck were going at it, you remember all the times you'd broken up before Tori Vega was even a thought in your mind.

"We don't." She says. She's at her vanity playing with her hair and you're sprawled out on her bed. It's a sort of sparkling silence as you wait for her to speak again. Once she's satisfied with her fish tail, fish net, whatever the hell she calls it. "I know something's wrong when you're not fighting. You seem so… boring lately." And that makes you sit up, because she's right. When's the last time you went out with your friends? _Your _friends, not Tori's. Maybe that's why huh? You're being possessive. But of what exactly? Tori? Or your friends?

"When I was with Beck you guys couldn't stand it. Literally. You've fainted before."

"Yeah," She turned and put her hands on her hips. "But you guys were having relationship problems. You and Tori were just… Overly competitive. But at least you and Beck were talking." She turned around haut and you creased your brows as you tried to wrap your head around her words. What did everyone else see?

"She doesn't want to talk to me."

"Why come?" Cat stopped untwisting her braid to stare at you in the mirror. You looked down at her bed spread and eased your fingers through the loose threads.

"Because we're not even friends."

Cat hit her hand on the desk and you jumped because your visits to her house normally were much more distracting than today. It's horrible, the universe is working against you.

"Yes you are, I saw you hugging!" You gasp for air that's suddenly not available. Everything in you screams, hurt her, get rid of all witnesses, but you're retraining yourself because she's Cat, and you kind of need her.

But you can't breathe and you're grasping the sheets, wondering how to keep your cool. The universe must seriously hate you. Cat seems to see that she's upset you, because all of a sudden she opens a drawer and out comes a paper fucking bag, and _what? _You feel her slap you in the face with it, screaming "Breathe!"

You do, because this can't be happening. Not her seeing you and Tori embracing, but she just slapped you and you're steady trying to keep in mind that you need her, but if she spikes your pulse one more time you're not responsible for your actions.

You take a deep breath and get a firm grip on her hands, all the while glaring into her eyes. She seems unaffected and you want to keep it that way, so you push her hands down to her sides, a silent notion for her to keep them there. She stands in front of you and you once again sprawl out on her bed.

"What did you see?" You ask quietly. You watch as she fiddles with her hands, which reminds you of Tori… But because it's Cat and you asked her a question, you raise your eyebrow at her.

"I don't wanna tell you _now_, you're gonna stop breathing again." Her voice is small and you take her pouting form in. She looks so much like a child, but she is somehow in high school along with the rest of you. She sings beautifully, and she's a really good actor, but she thinks differently. Something you can say the both of you have in common is the fact that whenever you voice your thoughts, people stare at you funny. That's possibly why you're such good friends. She thinks about things in an odd sort of perspective, but maybe it's odd because you just aren't meant to understand. Maybe that's just a part of Cat Valentine that makes her so damn special. She sees things.

"I won't, I promise. Just tell me, please, Kitty." You use the one nickname that Andre hasn't so cleverly come up with, because you staked your claim on it very clearly. She visibly gulps but you can tell that she perks up at the name.

"I walked by the janitors closet and I saw you guys hugging. Friends hug." She looked down at you pointedly. Her eyes seemed to be pleading with you somehow. "You guys _are _friends." She deflated as she took a seat beside you, and you brushed a hand over your face in an attempt to calm your heart again. She saw you hugging. Had she popped by a bit earlier you're completely sure she would've caught you locking lips with Tori, and she would've saw that you liked it. But still, you were having a blank, because what would your next move be? Tori hasn't said anything at all to you since that day, you've barely seen her these past few days. It's hurting you, taking over you. You're not the girl that does this shit, but _you're the girl that does this shit. _You don't want to think but Tori won't talk to you, and you're sensitive, so what're you supposed to do but think?

The worst thing is, no matter how bad this seems to hurt, you can't run from your thoughts. Not even to a girl like Cat.

"Jade, what's wrong?" Cat was staring at you because you had gone quiet for quite some time. You really need to learn how to pay attention to where you are.

"I want to be friends with Tori, but I don't think she feels the same." Cat shook her head in confusion.

"But you were invited weren't you?" Cat asked. You scrunch your eyes closed as if to stop the tidal wave of memories that flood you. The party. The stairs. The closet. The kiss, and now nothing.

Fucking party.

"No, I don't think I was."

"Did Tori say that?" She was genuinely confused, which you thought was sweet of her because she obviously thinks too highly of Tori to imagine that girl not inviting you. You wouldn't even know what to do with yourself if you saw her, because you know that crashing the bash is totally in Jade-fashion, but its Tori.

The real Tori, not the one you see in your head and who says all the best things and makes you want the tangible, or maybe not tangible one even more. The one in your head is killing you though, and you can't imagine what the real one could do to you. _Fuck_ you're out of it.

"She pretty much did. We're not friends." It hurts every time you say it, because you told her, you wanted that at _least_. Your head and your imagination aren't enough, not when the rea Tori is there every day reminding you of what you can't have. She's everywhere and you don't want her anywhere but with you. She hasn't said a word though, so if you made any moves all of a sudden, you could become the bad guy again. But maybe that's who you need to be. When you were making her feel like shit, you weren't hurting at all. You briefly wonder if anyone ever thought to _close _Pandora's Box?

Was that not possible? Or was there something the world needed tucked into there somewhere? Oh yeah, you remember they mentioned hope being at the very bottom. Hope. The thing keeping you from telling yourself to give up. That single thread that was connected to every nerve in your body, trying to escape, but stuck because you kept tugging it back in, because it's hope. But you've never seen hurt and hope put together so synonymously. You hate all the lines that have gone from black and white to gray, and you hate that you can never bring yourself to cut your ties to the hope and just end it all. But not your life, because you've got too much hope for the future. Hope. The cycle repeats. And the hurt never ceases.

Yep, fuck it all. You're closing the box. You want Tori, but maybe you need to not feel. You can't help but wish you had a working conscience, like that cricket shit out of Pinocchio, but maybe not cricket because your skin crawls without having a bug on it… Maybe a bell or something, you don't fucking know, a parting in the clouds that lets you know if what you were thinking was a bad decision, because you weren't sure, of anything at the moment really. Not of anything you weren't sure of 3 days ago.

Maybe you need to backtrack, you need a break.

"Well, maybe you can be my plus one?" Cat asked smiling. You opened your eyes, and smiled back, because she was the sweetest person you knew, however misguided her kindness can be sometimes. You almost want to nip your idea in the bud, but it sprouts too fast. Your reason for going would have nothing to do with Cat, but you know she means well, so it takes some pep out of your smile, and it makes you want to take some things that you've put thought into back so you can put some _real_ thought into them.

Still, she's made you smile which is no small feat under current circumstance.

"I'd be delighted, Kitty. When is it?" She grins wide, and you warm at the sight. This is why you need her. She makes you feel happy, even when you don't want to.

"I'll ask Tori. I heard its tomorrow night." She whips out her phone. You stare up at the ceiling and take a deep breath. You wonder vaguely what could be in store for you and Tori. If there's a You & Tori in your future somewhere.

* * *

You wonder briefly if this is what other people feel like at parties. Out of place. Usually, you dance, you drink, you sleep depending on whose party it is, but you always have fun.

Here you are outside of Tori's house, your back against the door. You briefly allow yourself to remember why you came here, remember that if you go in there, you'll be doing something that could hurt someone you love. You know you've done worse, but all this time you weren't quite as sure of yourself, of what you wanted, let alone how to get it.

You kick the door in frustration because what the fuck are you doing? Why? You can't think, you don't want to think, but you've decided that being inebriated isn't good for your plan of action. Not just yet anyway. Cat went in some time ago, you promised you'd follow her after you took a minute for yourself, but you're the one that drove her here, you could just as easily give her to one of your other friends and drive home.

You flex your hand on the keys you slid into your bag.

Fuck, Jade. Don't be a pussy.

That's what you tell yourself right before you go inside. You can't really hear much over the music, and you can't see over the tops of the throng of kids from your school, so you push through, briefly wondering when exactly the party started as one guy is completely passed out on the couch. Looking closer you realize you know that guy, his name is Robbie, regardless of the fact that his forehead spells out… Well, you can't say you wouldn't have wrote the same, but your artistic skills are much more proficient. You spot Cat dancing in a little group of people and she looks up and waves at you before returning to her own little zone. Normally, you'd be right there with her, but she knows you're not feeling up to it right now, so she leaves you to your own devices.

It's funny because the only reason you keep staring at her is for her to keep you occupied, so you don't do what you're about to. Unfortunately, you're obviously in the wrong place for standing still, because as soon as you avert your eyes from your partying friend, a cool liquid runs down your back in a way that chills your bones but heats you in an odd sort of way. You're practically snarling when you turn around to see some shocked looking asshole who hasn't had enough time to get rid of the evidence as you eye the red cup in his hand. He starts to stammer, but you can't hear him over the music. You rip his cup from his hands and fix him with one last glare before making your way through these gyrating bodies around you. You're cold, but your shirts black so no stain, but you feel sticky and you're ready to punch something. Or someone. You wish you hadn't come.

You make your way to the patio where there's less people and less noise, and much less trouble to push through people. They know not to mess with you when you're in a mood. Doesn't stop you from steeling your face, if only to release some of your pent up frustrations.

In fact, that's what you've come to do. To ruin that last strand of hope you can't cut on your own. You need help, and you're now adamant that you carry out this plan you'll surely regret later.

But first you need to take a chill pill, so you sit down in a chair beside some girl you don't know and you lean your head back, eyes closed. You feel her eyes on you though, beneath the heavy pulse of the music. Sure enough as soon as your eyes open you see her staring at you, hard. You turn to face her completely and she sort of quirks her head at you. You let out a deep breath because you don't need this.

"You're Jade, yeah?" She asks. You roll your eyes but nod anyway. "No offense but were you invited? I mean, Tori said-" You cut her off sharply.

"I'm here, are _you_ going to make me leave?" You're challenging her. Why the hell should she care that you're here? It's not like you're causing any trouble yet.

"Uh…" She wasn't going to say anything special so you stood up and went back inside. You needed peace of mind, but you had to find it first. You spotted Andre by the fridge coming out of the basement. You waved him over and he took his time coming my way. He smiled at you, but it dropped when he saw you weren't in a good mood. His eyebrows creased.

"What's up, you good?" He asked. You let out a shaky breath and he looked at you expectantly. You bite your lip before asking,

"Have you seen, Beck?" You looked away as his eyes widened. You and Beck haven't been together for almost 3 months, so it's not surprising that he's reacting this way. You grimace as you think of all the things running through his head as he looks at you. He finally picks up his jaw and straightens up and that's when you look into his eyes again. You expected him to tease you, poke fun at you. But his eyes aren't sparkling like they should be. There's no grin on his face. You prepare yourself for the worst as you feel your stomach clench at his next words.

"He's with Tori…" Andre sighs sadly and his gaze drops to the ground guiltily. "They went to her room." Your breath catches in your throat. He sees you're about to fall apart or maybe you look extra pissed because all of a sudden his hands are on your waist to steady you and you find yourself flinching at the feel of his hands, the wrong hands. You can't do this shit here, but you're hurting and you can't figure out why. You don't know. You never know.

But you're sure it's plain to see that these are angry tears. Not the sad kind. You spasm violently in his grip. He uses one hand to pull you slightly closer and you hate that you let him hold you, but you're in no state to be refusing him. At least it's him, when it could've very well been someone else at this point. You feel the tears stream and you embrace them, because yay for waterproof mascara, and it's a part of you being released, some of your hurt, your anger is gone with each tear. You allow your head to slump onto his shoulder and you breathe. You just… breathe.

For a moment, there's only him. One of your best friends, holding you, because even though he doesn't know, he _fucking gets it_. You come to a few realizations.

One, you could be considered a hypocrite.

Tori was probably with Beck the way you were planning to be tonight.

Two, it's not good to make others hurt.

But maybe you're allowed some leeway now, because you can say you've been through some things. You've hurt too. And it was of your own accord, so yeah, you do know how harsh you can be.

Three, maybe you need something else.

Not a person, because as strong as Andre can be, you wouldn't want to accidently break him if you ever were to decide to use him to forget. You couldn't be responsible for that, you'd be too guilt ridden. He's too good for that.

You're still in his arms, but he's swaying you to a slow song. Once upon a time, you know he liked you. But because you're not good at giving rejections to those close to you, you tried to ignore it. He never had to come clean, you could always tell. He got over it eventually. You were with Beck at the time, and you were sure that he felt bad enough about it without you trying to fend him off with a stick. So you became closer to him, but you drew a line, and he knew not to cross it. He's too good to be broken, so you have to keep him behind that line.

Not to say that you turn everything you touch into shit, no. But you inadvertently do so in your attempts to turn what you already have into gold. So when you've had enough of the tears, you tap on his chest to let him know you're ready to be seen again. He keeps his hold on you but gives you room to move away. He stares you in the face for a moment and you let him, because maybe you really do want someone to know. You let him _see_, because you can always say you didn't tell him if you didn't _tell_ him.

As you share the moment, you catch sight of Trina Vega coming down the stairs. He follows your gaze to the stairs and looks back at you with a warning look. He leans in close to you.

"Please, don't do anything too bad, Jade." He pulls back and you nod to let him know you understood. He crosses the kitchen and comes back to you with a paper towel. You dry your face and he gives you a thumbs up when you look somewhat alright. You flow easily through the crowd this time and you choose not to admit it's because after that little breakdown, you feel like you're not here. But you're dazed at this point. You're not sure what you're looking for right now, but you find yourself leaning against the wall opposite Tori's door as you stare straight. You wonder if she cares, or if she even knows how her silence hurts more than her words. There's too much guess work for silence to set you at ease.

As if noticing your presence, the door opens and you straighten up. Out walks Beck, drawing his hand through his hair. He recoils slightly as he notices you. You don't say anything, and neither does he, he just looks at you as though you came to him. And maybe you did, but he wasn't on your mind when you trudged up those stairs. Neither was Tori, though.

He shut the door behind him and gave you a small smile. He leaned against it, but when you still didn't speak, his face fell, similar to Andre's reaction to you earlier. He came closer and put a hand on your shoulder.

He probably did the same to Tori.

He waited a minute to study your expression, and his eyes shot towards your lips in silent question that you had no will to answer. You kept your gaze on his eyes, and by now he could be thinking that you're high on something, but you don't give a damn. But as he closes his eyes and goes in for the kill, you start to think again.

This is why you came.

But you can't recall it ever being what you _wanted_.

When his lips touch yours you can't breathe, and not in a good way. You stop, and your eyes clench, but you bring yourself to respond. You feel his hand go to cup your cheek, and that's what makes you break again. You can fall so easily into this because your body remembers him just as much as your brain does, but your heart refuses to be in it. You hold in a shudder as the back of your eyes start to sting. You try to focus on the rest of him rather than his lips.

You remember when you were dating how you made him shave often, because his beard would scratch you rather unpleasantly compared to what you'd heard. Since you'd broken up though, he'd taken full liberty of his man hood. He looked good with the stubble, sure, it was rather sexy from an objective point of view. But up close it was like a cat's tongue. Flattering, but very unpleasant.

But you reach your hand up to feel it, and it prickles against your palm. He's focused and you can tell he's completely unaware you're staring down at him, that you're having an inner battle with yourself. You want him to stop, but you can't fight the thought that you need him to keep going to reach that detachment you once had. But back then, you loved him with some reasonably large part of your being. And he loved you back. He allowed you to let your body remember his. But he's so wrong.

His hands are gripping you too tightly. You're pretty sure you're going to acquire a rash from his sand paper face. His tongue is trying to explore your throat, which isn't smart because you already can't breathe. But you know, as soon as you gasp, he'll make another move, he'll see something besides the actual need for air, rather than for more attention. So you gasp. For his sake. But then you feel something. He just nipped your lip, and that's a warning right there, because you know that he's always hated your liking of certain fetishes, certain types of pain. That's a reason to take a step back.

So you turn your head and his tongue rips from your mouth. As you gasp, you push him away enough for him to take a hint and back the hell off. He's looking at you with uncertainty.

You take a few minutes to inhale and exhale him from your skin, and he waits patiently. Once you're fit, you finally turn your head back to him. He gives you a testing smile. You let out one last shaky breath before you look in his eyes.

"You like her, don't you?" You ask. Regardless of the music, you know he heard you. He loses his smile, and you take a sick sort of satisfaction in it. His eyes give him away. "She turned you down." You take a step closer to him. He avoids your eyes and you can see his irritation growing. You're pissed, but as you've said before, you're a bit of a hypocrite. "You were going to use me?" You don't let the anger seep through your words as you usually do.

"I wasn't going to use you." He won't look you in the eyes though, but you've spent too long hurting for him to be able to lie through his teeth right now.

"Please, don't bullshit me. You were going to use me." He opens his mouth, but you raise your hands. "It's okay, I just don't want you to lie to me about it." He looks at you with surprise and confusion.

"Why are you okay with that?" He asks. You shrug.

"I was gonna do the same." He's shocked at your confession,

"You wanna get back together?" He asks. You look into his eyes. You could fall into him _so_ _easily_, but you can't because you've already hurt _her _feelings, and despite how much pain she seems to bring you, you're not able to find it in your heart to return that.

But you may have, accidently.

Because it probably seems much worse than it is as she steps out just in time to hear him say that. She doesn't even really step out, but she stands in the door way, and she catches your eyes. They take you in and flicker to Beck before settling on your lips. You can't help the hand that flies up to cover them, and that's when she shuts the door again. You see that he hadn't noticed, so you let one tear fall as you look him in the eyes.

"Yes."

Then his lips are on yours and your body rejects him so violently you shake in his arms. But you push through, and your heart is screaming, so you force yourself to see her face behind your closed lids. You feel him, and you see her. You try, you're slowly cutting through the hope as her face plays across your brain. It seems sort of ominously right for her to be the one thing on your mind as you try to forget her. So you put your foot in this kiss. You let his hands grip your waist, and you drag your hands through his hair.

You're reminded of her hair. How you want to touch it, _so bad._

You kiss him harder. You remember you liked his hair first.

You remember how soft her lips were against yours. The way you seemed to meld together in that moment in the supply closet.

You bring a hand down to trace his collar bone over his shirt, and you remember the mark you'd left there one day in that very closet.

You remember how your stomach drops whenever she touches you. _Whenever she touches you._

Tears make you gasp, because every memory brings you down, but you've been through this sort of detox before. You remember opening Pandora's Box. You're determined to close it.

So you reach behind you and push his hand up the back of your shirt. He gives your body all the right signals, you can't deny, but it's nothing right about it. You know you're using each other. Maybe you don't care right now.

But you see her _too_ clearly even though your eyes are closed, you shouldn't be able to see a damn thing. Your heart ties too heavily to your brain, and neither will listen because _fuck. _She's everywhere and you're overwhelmed with her and you hate yourself right now.

Because, you _still fucking want her. _

And she still knows. And she still hasn't said a fucking word to you, and you're sobbing, but the kiss doesn't stop. So you do it.

You cut the thread that is hope.

No more feelings. You just need this. A crutch. Your crutch. You need Beck, and he probably thinks that you _truly _need him, when you don't even want him.

It's the last thing you think before your shut off and just flow back into the black hole that is your relationship.

_You want her._

* * *

**A/N: So, I obviously decided to do something with this here story! I hope you liked it, I spent a lot of time procrastinating with it. I know I use the words "pain" and "hurt" a lot. I just wanted to put a lot of emphasis on it that way you'd see she felt like she was at the end of her rope. I started crying when she was at the party and stuff, even though I wrote it. I'm not sure why, but I did, so I felt comfortable enough then to post. I'll be updating again soon, hopefully, but a lots going on lately… Still, stay tuned, I guess?**

**Mai-Tt :):**


	3. Blunt Truths

**A/N: Really hope you like this chapter, it took a lot.**

**Disclaimer: I totally don't own any of the characters mentioned**

* * *

You wake up and you can't move. You literally can't move, not like you want to stay here, but something is keeping you here, holding you down.

You feel your heart start to race because you feel constricted, which is something you hate. You need room to hold yourself together. One might get this confused with claustrophobia, you always set them straight. You get a whiff of cinnamon though, and you feel that same prickle that was on your skin last night. Beck. You relax, but you still can't move and that pisses you off. He's sprawled on top of you, and he's cuddling into you and _this is why you always made him shave._ You try to move your head and you hit a wall, which confuses you.

Did you really fall asleep in a fucking hallway?

You sigh, because, yes. Yes the fuck you did.

You can remember the first time you fell asleep in a hallway after a party. You more so passed out then though, because you can be quite the lightweight of the party. Something that's remained the same since then is that you feel like shit, regardless of not having a headache. You've got heartache. Actually…

Yeah, no you have both this morning.

You groan and slither from beneath the sleeping boy. You heave with the effort though because he is such a dead weight. You find yourself staring at Tori's door, like it's the truth to some big strange mystery. But there's no mystery to solve, and this isn't the time for asking questions anymore. You've done things you shouldn't and you hate that now is when you feel the most regret. You're slow when it comes to foresight, these things never turn out good with you.

You stand and shudder lightly as everything from last night comes back at full force. Not like you thought you could get out of it though, you're a magnet that pain constantly clings to, along with feelings to intensify it. You feel a lump forming in your throat and you bite your lip to keep from letting it out. _You kissed him._

Why? Last night, the question was why not. Questions do nothing but get you into trouble, you never have the right answers. You bring a hand to your throat and wince. He was definitely feeling out of it last night, as you're sure he left a few marks on your skin. He always does. That's one of the best things, or maybe the worst about Beck. Whether it's visible or not, he marks you in a way that _you_ know what happened. He leaves a fragrance, he makes it so you remember him, and he moves his lips in a way that makes you really believe when he says "I love you." He's going to be a great actor someday, you can't deny. But you're not going to be practice material. You want real love, and you're not sure Tori will be the one that you get it from, but you know it's something you want. You rub your hand over a painful spot right on your collarbone.

It brings back memories. But you don't want it to. You don't want to smile for him, because he used you, and he let you use him. You're both pathetic, and you can't even believe yourself. Tori means so much to you, somehow. You can't explain it, but your heart races for her, and _only _her. You step over Beck and into the bathroom locking the door behind you. You take a deep breath before stepping into the view of the mirror. You gasp, because what he did wasn't right. What _you_ did wasn't right. And this? This atrocious monstrosity that stains your skin like remains of a burn, it's _so fucking wrong._ It's hurting your eyes to look at it, it's every bit of shame you feel for your feelings, every bit of guilt you feel for how you've treated Tori, it's a visual, you can see yourself in the mark. You're not his, and he knows that, so why do this to you?

Maybe a part of him is sad inside. You honestly wouldn't know at this point, he's never been one to show his emotions, he's here for acting though, it's to be expected. You're the same in a way though, so maybe it's safe to assume that at the least he could be. Tori did reject him, meaning he likes her, and it's funny. You have the same taste in girls, or maybe not, considering he chose _you _first, and you're not a damn thing like Tori. But you've definitely got a type though. Brunettes with tan skin, they obviously get to you in a way that most don't. Still, regardless of what you felt for him before, you're absolutely appalled that he had the audacity to take his anger out on your neck. You're upset in general really, because what the fuck are you supposed to do with this? You don't want Tori to see it, but you wouldn't want anyone else seeing it either, because people talk. You honestly don't want Beck, all you want is the past back. You want to be sure of yourself again. You want Tori.

You're selfish, you know. You don't always like it, but it's not something you've ever been able to change. You just want what you can't have, because you surely could get just about everything else. Still, you don't think it's polite to go staking your claim on people, but if you imagine yourself hovering over a submissive (or not) Tori…well, you can see where the appeal comes from. You gaze into your eyes and notice that your mascara still doesn't look good, there're soft streaks of faded black stuck to your skin, making your face tight. You sigh shakily and you find yourself ruffling through the cabinets for any makeup removers. As much as Trina lays on, it's not that hard. You find a small pack of wipes and take one out, slowly rubbing the marks. As it starts to disappear you find yourself staring at the bite on your flesh. Your hand clenches around a wipe and you can't control it after that.

You scrub at it furiously and it hurts, but it's like it's something you need to do. If you can get this hickey off of you, you can do _anything_, all your problems are solved. You can get a clean slate, and when you think of it like that, it seems like your prize is so, _so close._ You whimper and you think your just one rub away from drawing blood, and you're faint for that kind of thing when you know it's not fake. So you stop, and you think you're going to eventually need a few more wipes because you're crying now. You feel dirty, and you just want to sleep, but it's not the cleanest bathroom, you're sure, regardless of its looks. You sit down on the toilet seat, lid closed, because you don't have to go. Your head settles into your hands, and you wonder if you could just leave without anyone noticing. Sure, Cat's downstairs, but Beck has a car, and so does Andre, and maybe Robbie, you're not really sure right now. Anyone would gladly take her home, but you can at least admit, if only to yourself, you're not fit to drive on your own. You could "accidently" swerve off the road, or something.

You just wish that something would play in your favor, you wish you had a map, a rule book, a tour guide, anything to keep you going in the right direction, or to veer you off course to a place where you're no longer in danger. But you don't because you're too prideful to admit when you need a friend, but not too embarrassed to fake like you don't when everyone knows you're faking. You're complicated, and life is complicated, and you absolutely _hate _crying. It's disgusting, and you're a quieted ugly crier. You cry harder as you remember the time when Tori saw you crying. You were so embarrassed after that, you were so sure that she would use it against you, but that's Tori for you. Even when all you want for her to do is hurt you, act _normal, retaliate_, all does is kill you with kindness. She just smiles at you and you and you feel like time stands still. Like she's all for you, like she's completely invested in you, and it's horrible because she is. She's trusting, and she's caring, and she's just below Cat on the list of nicest people you know because she's at least rational, while Cat's unrestrained. Tori is pure in a way that her emotions come at you raw, when she cries, she cries for the whole damn world. She cries because she's not afraid to, and you couldn't even hope to compete with that. Not that you could ever want to, she's worth just standing next to. She's not innocent, she's seen things, she's been hurt before, and that's what makes it so hard to deal with the fact that you've hurt her.

The fact that she's felt that pain already, it's enough to make you hate yourself for ever feeding into it. She's so much that you just…want. You're selfish, because you're toxic, you weren't kidding when you said the things you try to change turn to shit. It's like you're solving a Rubiks Cube. But a lot of the time nowadays, you don't even know why you try, but you have this absolutely insane idea that, somehow, when you have her, everything will be okay. She's not just some antidote for the troubles in your life though, it'd be an honor for you to have her in your arms.

You can't believe yourself. You suddenly just can't find it in you to cry any longer. You want her, it's plain and simple. Somehow, it's not lust for her though. You want here in the purest way, but it's so raw, so unadulterated that it pains you. You sigh and then there's a knocking on the door.

"Hey!" Cat's little voice rings through. "Look, I really gotta go, and Trina's in the bathroom downstairs, can I _please _come in? You don't even have to leave if you want!" Cat's banging is incessant, but you hesitate because she can't see you like this, can she? Sure she's your best friend, but like you said you're an ugly crier. You hastily wipe at your face and yell out just a minute. You can't do anything about the congestion you now feel, but you try to quickly open the door and move for Cat but she grabs you. She looks utterly confused as her eyes scan your face, and then she brings a hand up to your neck. She's looking at you funny, in a sort of glaring way, but on Cat you're sure it's more disappointment, though you're not sure why.

"What's wrong? And what the heck happened to you neck?" You wince when her hand drags across it and she pulls back and drags you into the bathroom with her. You look around to make sure no one's up just yet and lock the door. You return to your seat on the toilet and she stands in front of you, hands on her hips. You avoid her gaze for fear you'll start to cry again.

"I'm just upset. And Beck and I…" You bite your lip. She gasps.

"You guys…You did stuff? In Tori's house? Jade!" She's got shock on her face and you would laugh if you weren't still having a breakdown.

"Cat we didn't have sex in her house." She cringes slightly at the word making you laugh lightly. "We just… made out a lot." And with that you can feel that mark still on your neck, and all of a sudden you want to hurt him, because he did this to make himself feel better, give him some control. But you won't allow that because one, he's not even into you. Two, you're nobody's property. You want him to know that, but Cat is kneeling in front of you all of a sudden and your head is on her shoulder and yet you can see yourself, _feel _yourself moving, telling Beck off in front of stragglers from last night. But Cat gets it, and she's rubbing your back with small circles while your teeth grind together.

"Sh…Jade, it's okay, alright? Please don't cry. You don't even have to tell me if you don't want to." You shake her off, but it a gentle way because while you're Hysterical, she is still Cat. So you find yourself pulling back and looking her in the eyes. She's looking at you like she looks at the Red Cross commercials with the dying… everything. Like she wants to adopt you, or send you 2 dollars a day. You can't stand her pity, but the little girl inside of you wants her sympathy.

You find yourself telling her, how you feel about Tori, about Beck. About the night before, and about the past few months. You tell her why you couldn't tell her or anyone else, and you tell her about the kiss, and whatever else you could think of. You tell her you're not gay. No, you're just head over heels for Tori Vega, for some reason you can't seem to place. She accepts that, and when you're done, she smiles at you. When you stop sobbing enough to ask why, she giggles.

"I knew you loved Tori." And it's a weird feeling that flows through you, because love is a very,_ very _strong word, and you told yourself that what you're feeling isn't it. It's want, totally just want. But that won't explain why you never just put her in a situation you could get your rocks of and get the hell out. It leaves room for wondering, and you feel so spent, it seems. You give Cat a hug and she pulls you up and lets you rest on her shoulder. It's comforting, because you and her, you guys don't make sense, but she's the one thing in your life that you can always feel, that safety net that's never loosened, and never showed a sign of letting you fall too far. And there's Cat. If ever you were to truly get rid of hope, she's reassurance. And that's why she must stay, why you'd never purposely hurt her, because she's a big part of you. Though it's not like you don't offer to be the one who, when no one else does, says to her, I know what you mean, Kitty. Because the rest of them are all stuck in this world.

And if you're thinking of it like that, you must be stuck somewhere in between, because you're Prometheus, and you're Pandora, but you're also Jade, and what some would call a scary gal.

You wonder where Tori honestly fits in. She's otherworldly, but at the same time, she's here, struggling to hold onto dreams of being a star in a whacky school. You let Cat lead you to the sink and she frowns slightly when you growl at your reflection. Yeah, you're fairly certain the time for tearing up is over. She dips from your shoulder and moves her hands to pull your hair back making the hickey much more visible. You frown at it, just as she does. Her hand settles on your shoulder and her hand taps on it lazily as she catches your eyes in the mirror. She smiles at you hopefully.

"I have my makeup bag with me at all times Jade, and I can totally make you look your normal hotness. You feeling up for a little makeover?" She's grinning, because you're grinning, and then she's outside with your keys to grab her bag. You wait for her to come back and you smile at yourself in the mirror, just to see what it looks like, because honestly, you don't naturally smile for pictures. You've scowled, growled, and smirked, but never a genuine smile. Not to say that what you're seeing is that, but it's what you'd assume a real one would look like. It's not long before Cat has you sitting on the toilet once again, and sometimes your eyes are open, sometimes closed. At one point she gives you eye drops saying "You look insane Jade, it's hilarious." And you laugh with her, cause she's awesome, and she's made you look… hot. You look totally gorgeous and that makes you smile in a happy sort of way. She latches onto your arms and showers you with whispered compliments and you almost promise to make her pancakes if Tori has some, but then you realize, yeah, Tori probably has pancakes, so you decide in the end a thank you is good enough.

You notice another voice as you both creep down the stairs. You stop her and you slip to the landing and your eyes widen as they see a very upset looking Tori talking to a sympathetic looking Andre. Upset isn't the word, because Tori looks quite pissed, and you're not sure at who, so you hurry up to where Cat is still standing looking kind of frightened like you told her there was a robber in the house. She gasps a little when you lay a hand on her shoulder. You smile and say it's okay.

"Remember how we were talking about Tori?" She nods and gets a sly grin on her face that makes you want to blush. "She's downstairs and she looks upset, maybe you can go make her feel better and I'll come back down in a bit, yes?" She narrows her eyes but nods and you give her a little push for her to go. You let out a sigh and you walk back up but not before you hear Andre saying,

"Hey, what's good, Red!" It kind of pisses you off, like it always has.

You shake that feeling off before you're pulled into Tori's room and you do smell cinnamon, but right now you're seeing red, because _fuck_, he can't comprehend just how pissed off you are at him. He lets you go with a puff of air leaving his lungs because you won't deny elbowing him in the gut, but that's the nicest thing you can think to do and the only one that wouldn't get you time in a detention center. He looks at you confused.

"Why'd you do that?" He huffs. You scowl and take a step back towards the door and away from him. The very sight of him in Tori's room makes you imagine yourself bludgeoning him with the very first thing your eyes settle on. You roll your eyes because of course the very first thing you see is Tori's cuddle buddy toy thing. Her name is something with a C but you couldn't care less, you just want to hit Him. Hard. He takes a step back when he stares into your eyes for a second too long and then he's scouring your face, and you see shock register when his gaze drops to your neck, probably where he thought his little friend might be. Oh. It's all you can think, but not all you can think to _say. _

"You sneaky son of a bitch." He raises his hands in front of him and shrugs.

"What, I didn't do anything, babe." You grind your teeth. Deep breaths aren't helping, you seriously want to hurt this boy, because obviously he needs a little bit of a reminder, no one fucks with you.

"First of all, Beck? Whatever the hell you think we are right now, I will tell you now, we're aren't anything. You're not my boyfriend, my kissing partner, I don't want to fuck you or anything like that." He scrunches his eyebrows and goes to speak.

"But what about last night." You know yourself well, and you take a sick sort of satisfaction in his words, because you want him to hurt. You've got this conscience on your shoulder, and the most it's been able to do is keep you from _seriously _grabbing that fucking doll, but your words are sharper than your scissors.

"Beck don't ask me about last night unless you plan to tell the truth. You were in Tori's room last night. What the hell did you do?" Your voice has gotten terribly low, and he _was_ your boyfriend, he _knows_ you're furious. He stammers and you see him visibly gulp. "_Beck._" You say his name. He stops and nods.

"I went in with Tori and we talked. I thought we were getting somewhere, and I kissed her." Your nostrils flare. "Well, I tried anyway. She pushed me away, told me to leave. And then there was you." He looks into your eyes for some reaction, but you're not feeling very nice right now so your gaze stays level with his. Satisfaction is not something you're trying to give right now, you aren't trying to please him.

"And then you kissed _me_." Your words seep through clenched teeth, because you've not yet gotten to the worst part.

"But you didn't push me away." He states, a cocky smile threatening to ease across his features. You're quick, you're like a fucking ninja, and you wipe it off very quickly. You push his buttons, because you know if he'd have smiled at you, you might've just ripped them off.

"Oh, but I did Beck, baby, I really did." He stares at you in confusion. He obviously had a drink or two, because it makes no sense for you to be the only one that remembers that little tidbit of conversation that followed his little kiss. "I pushed you away, and I called you out. I called myself out too. We are not getting back together. You were pissed, I was using you. You used me. Don't get this confused, because the only reason I let you kiss me? Was because I was feeling lonely. You were angry, probably at Tori. But did you really think we would get together after you came after me second? Like, oh, Tori's not into me, better go and make out with my ex!" You've somehow gotten in his face and he's cowering, and you're sure it's because he does remember what happened after that.

"Well, okay, now what?" He asks, you can tell he's trying to find ground to stand on, but you refuse to let him because again, he knew what he was doing. He's not getting slack from you. You point at the spot on your neck where the mark still is, but is now invisible thanks to your wondrous best friend.

"You probably are wondering where that went, I'm certain you took some time to make it so fucking noticeable. You can thank make up, you ass." His hand goes up to your neck and he thumbs your skin roughly as to rub it off, but it's not regular make up, because it's Cat. Still you find yourself sticking a finger into his chest, and he recoils. You nails are pretty sharp, yes.

"Ow, Jade!" He says as though you should feel bad for anything but letting him do it.

"Fuck you, don't touch me. You don't have a right, you got it? We're not a thing, we will never, ever be a thing. So back the hell off, Beck." You feel you neck and it's painful to touch because it's been rubbed raw by you already and Cat put make up on it, and then he wants to go manhandling you, make you his. You'll be damned, or he will because if he tries anything else, you're just going to assume he has a death wish. You feel his gaze on you as you leave Tori's room and you leave the door open, because he should not be in there alone, or at all, but you're not in the mood to be his babysitter or something. You feel heat on your face and there's still this rage in you. You tell yourself you're not angry and the truth is you are, at just about everyone, except for Cat. The only thing you can do is take deep breaths and if you're completely honest, go back to Tori's room. Beck isn't there anymore and you shouldn't be either but the thought of her calms you. You remember different things about her, the way she smiles when she's just found something new to tamper with, usually it's someone's love life, but you won't judge.

Sometimes you think about her like you are now, admiring the visions of her you can see behind your closed eyes. You see so much, and you notice these things about her. It pisses you off sometimes because everyone always thought you didn't care for the world, even went so far as to _tell_ you that. Truth is, you just don't feel like dealing with the rest of the world all the time. But Tori… she makes you feel, and if you're already in a great mood and she comes around, she makes you feel sympathy for the world. Her being so in touch with the world (and her feelings) has probably rubbed off on you. You don't mind though, because sometimes you can see the appeal. Sometimes you need to feel pain to someday know happiness.

Right?

You look around her room and you find yourself face to face with a shelf of so many more picture than you could ever have though that you took with the gang. There's ones from your yearbooks, and there are even some from The Slap she must've printed out. There are some from the beach, concerts, and the stage fighting days with her in her wig. She even managed to get pics of detention, which makes you kind of smile. It was quite a day. But you feel annoyed again when you remember how you were still with Beck. You know that your memories of him when you were together won't ever truly be tainted, but whatever friendship you have with him now has definitely got some work to be done. You let out a laugh at the Diddly Bops photo of you, Cat, and Tori. It makes you feel better even though you're scowling in it. Your eyes land on the rest of the pictures though, and you think that Tori's pretty damn cool to have found this many pictures where you seemed to be having fun. Your eyes settle on the ones taken backstage of your play that Wok Star helped you produce before shutting down. One of them has Cat's bra hanging from the toilet as she stares into the bowl sadly. Another is of you and Tori huddled just behind the curtains, watching the play and your father's reaction. Must have been taken by one of the crew people.

You wonder if she ever knew before you made it so obvious that you liked her. You knew Beck liked you way before he asked you out, and Andre never had to tell you anything, and he still doesn't know you figured it out. Maybe Tori truly knew that you felt _something _for her, whether it be good or bad, it was something you didn't show with the rest of your friends. Maybe you've been obvious, because it's still true that Cat saw something change within you before anyone else did, or before they said anything about it. You let out a breath and you look around once more before making your way downstairs. It amuses you when you see Cat and Tori playing that knock off Wii thing that Tori's mom brought. Robbie and Andre are cheering in the background, and you smile, because Cat's awesome and you should think about telling her sometime. She turns to see you coming down and smiles making her lose. Her head whips back at the screen when she hears Tori celebrating her win and she pouts for a split second before her face perks up again and she smiles.

"Oops,I lost! Robbie, it's your turn, avenge me!" She yells in a scratchy pirate voice. He smiles and bows as she hands him her controller, or tennis racket. You slowly descend on the stairs and find yourself sinking into the couch beside Andre. He looks over your face and he smiles at you when he sees no tears you assume. He gives you a fist bump of greeting. Cat takes a seat on the other side of you. She leans in close and looks up at you her eyes darting around before settling on Tori purposefully. You raise your brow. She giggles and leans up to whisper in your ear.

"Hah, you like the view, Jadey?" She pulls back with a laugh and you mock glare at her as a blush travels up your body and down again. You can't say you deny it though, because you surely don't condone lying. Her face turns slightly more serious though her smile stays. "Hey, can I ask you a question?" You nod as your face cools. "Well, what do you see when you look at her?" She still whispering, and you're hoping Andre doesn't hear because his ear is trained to listen to what doesn't want to be heard, and besides Robbie, he's the worst at keeping secrets. Robbie beat him out for the spot because he's fragile and you can threaten the truth out of him, while Andre is quite the aggressor in those situations. Still you find yourself admiring Tori in a quick way so it's only noticeable to yourself and Cat.

"She kind of… She kind of glows, doesn't she?" You bite your lip when you ask, but Cat just smiles and nods like you just kicked the training wheels off of your baby bike because you don't need them, that kind of proud parent look you can only imagine. She makes you happy to have a best friend, because you've never felt as free as you did when you finally said it all aloud to her in the bathroom. She nods at you, meaning you should continue. You're reluctant to do so, mostly because you've never had to say these things out loud.

"Um… Well, when I say she glows, I mean I see it all the time. And when I see it, a million other things jump into my head, ya know? Like when I look at her and I think glow, I think of that look on her face after she performed the bird scene, and I think of her smile. I think of the last time she smiled at me, which was when we did that play of Sikowitz's. At the end of the show when we took off, I remember she was laughing as we ran. She really lights up the room, don't you think?" You realize you're smiling and you can feel it's a genuine smile because you can feel Cat shaking beside you as she giggles quietly, which makes you giggle and blush as well. You hear Robbie groan with effort as Tori has had much more practice and your breath catches in your throat at the sight of her 'serving' the ball. Her back is arching perfectly and she's giving off this… this _heat. _And then you're losing concentration as the thoughts flowing through your head travel to places thoughts shouldn't translate to. You have to take a deep breath to control the overwhelming urge to _touch _her. You fight the urge to bite your lip though, because that would be inappropriate. Cat's still giggling and she squeaks in your ear,

"Jade, you are too cute!" And she's trying to catch her breath which makes you both laugh more and Andre is staring at you guys with a smile but his gaze makes you both try and stifle your laughter. It's at some point that he chuckles and turns his head away from you two that you find yourself thinking, someone should take a picture. Because you're actually smiling, and Tori is _sweating_. And that's kind of hot, that's the truth.

Still, it's also because you knew this moment would be short lasting what with Tori not noticing you until she spun around in her victory dance. You smile but it fades right when her gaze lands on you and she sort of blushes. Cat's giggles have died out as well. Now Andre has his attention on the two of you. You stare her in the eyes and watch her chest rise and fall as she struggles to get her breathing back to normal.

"Hey." It's the first word she's said to you in what's felt like forever, and from the way Andre smiles to your right, your face must've lit up.

"Hey. Congrats." You nod towards the screen that's flashing her victory. She smiles and moves to sit beside Andre. He hands her a bottle of water and a towel as though she really won a tournament and the absurdity of it all makes you laugh, which makes Cat giggle and you both can't stop when they start to look at you funny. It takes you both at least five minutes before your case of snickering is over with. It's not like it's all that funny, you're just feeling bubbly, and right now, you and Cat are on the same wavelength. Tori is smiling at the both of you though and that makes you blush slightly. Robbie sits on the floor and puts in some other game that he and Andre can play. He mutters something about tennis being for girls which makes Cat _and _Tori jump on him. Eventually though, they're shooting aliens and Cat is braiding Andre's hair. Tori comes over and sits closer to you. You gulp and your breathing becomes shallow even though she can't tell.

She sighs after a minute of her staring at you with you ignoring her. Her voice gets you to stop picking at your nails.

"Jade, we should probably talk, don't you think?" And you might have been stubborn, you might've said no, there's nothing to talk about, but you didn't. She was still sweating, and it was still hot, and heat was coming off of her, and wow you could _melt_ if she wasn't so close. So you nod and stand with her. She leads you outside to the patio, but she doesn't speak, so you do. Well, you were actually pretty close to yelling.

"You have a fucking hot tub, Vega? Why didn't you tell someone?" You ask. She chuckles slightly.

"I thought everyone knew by now, but that's not what I want to talk about." She says. You turn from the fenced in tub and see her sitting down backward in a chair facing you. You do the across from her and nod your head for her to continue. "So… um, I don't know what to say, Jade. After that day, after that kiss, I was feeling… out of it might be the best word." You twist your head at her words. "I was thinking weird things, about you, about me. It was really confusing, but I'm pretty sure you said that you like me?" She looks up at you and you nod with a blush. She nods too. "Right." She fiddles with her hands and stutters out a breath.

"Well, how do you feel about that, Vega?" You finally muster up the courage to ask her what's been on your mind the entire week. She bites her lip and she won't look you in the eye.

"I think that I might feel the same, or something. But I don't want this to be some kind of joke, and right now, I can't tell if it is or not. What happened between you and Beck last night?" You lick your lips and take a few extra deep breaths just because you want to stay calm when you think about Beck.

"He-" You correct yourself, "_We _kissed. But I don't like him, not at all."

"So why would you kiss him?" She's genuinely confused, and you want to hold her, but the look she's giving you is telling you she's not really yours to hold right now.

"I was feeling sad, lonely. I wasn't thinking straight, and I thought that having him kiss me would make me feel better. It did the exact opposite, because I woke up feeling like shit."

"Well, are you sure? Because you kissed me, he tried to kiss me, what the hell are you two trying to pull?" She asks. You shake your head furiously.

"Nothing, I swear, he doesn't know I…" You see something flicker in her eyes as you stumble for the words. "He doesn't know how I feel about you. And I had no idea that Beck had a thing for you until last night."

"I don't know if this…" She gestures between the two of you. "I don't know if we're going to work out. I mean, I'm not honestly sure how I feel about you, Jade. And you don't seem sure you want me as much as you think if you kiss Beck at _my _party. Is that why you came here? For him?" She asks, and you know the truth, yes, but if you say that, you're absolutely done for and that can't happen.

You might've forgotten a few important details to the whole Pandora's Box thing, but that's not what she's reminding you of. She's reminding you of life before the lock was there, back when things still hurt, when your thoughts gave you headaches, and made you want to sleep. Like you've been inside your head so much that the fact that everyone else doesn't _get it _confuses you. And this makes you lightheaded, because now you know she felt it too. You know you're dramatic, you're a writer though, exaggerating is a part of your fucking resume, so when you thought that Vega didn't give a damn… Maybe you were jumping the gun. When you look into her eyes, you remember why everyone fits into categories, why there's a space for Tori Vega in your heart. You can't take silence, there's not enough shadow for you to think there. You know you've fucked yourself over, and you're shocked, because what the fuck did you expect? You were gonna run off into the sunset with her?

That isn't something you can see for yourself because of many reasons. Number one on your list, it's a cliché, but that's subject to change because you've come to enjoy the clichés in your everyday life, most courtesy of Tori keeping them alive. You also don't run, because you don't like to sweat unless it's literally in the throes of passion usually, though not always occurring between the sheets. And when has that ever happened in a fairytale? Also you don't believe in fairytales, because they're too loosely connected. Happy endings, true love, mermaids and fairies? That's never appealed to you. You don't want a fairytale, you want a love story. You want to have electricity flow through your veins at a touch, you want to feel so strongly in love that the immensity of it cause you to faint, and you want to always smile like you mean it. You wish you could write you life _and _the lives of the people constantly surrounding you. You don't want surprises, all you've ever wanted it to know how these things end, to know that no matter what the fuck happens, you can always look at the last few pages and go, "That's okay, someday, everything is going to work out." But you can't. So although you try not to dwell on these things, you can't help that you still _try _to write your life, give your existence a meaning you can grasp.

Tori is Pandora's Box. You are Pandora. You opened the box, with no real intentions. Tori is _fire_. You are Prometheus. After Prometheus stole fire from the gods, he- in a nutshell, was sentenced to eternal pain. Because he's too fucking absorbed in getting fire. A bird- to keep it simple, a pain bearing bird, rips him to shreds, physically and emotionally. Everyday. And Prometheus never dies. The box does not close. You never win. You can't have her and not feel the agony that plagues your mind in turn. You can't have fire and not expect to get burned. You can't run from your thoughts, just like Prometheus couldn't run from the pain. You were both in chains, but for Tori and these feelings you can't recall ever feeling before, you're willing to be held at arm's length. Hell, it's not like you've got a choice.

Funny thing about Prometheus. He's could always feel himself dying, but was never able to. Let's call that thing keeping him from dying hope. Hope picks you up and pulls you down at a constant, but you've never been able to understand which one you're experiencing.

"I was there for you, but also him." You finally speak again. She doesn't seem alright with your confession, and you really didn't expect her to be. "What I mean is… I was really lonely last night, okay? I mean, I was drowning in straight up _despair, _Tori. I was in a horrible mood, and then Andre told me you and Beck were in your room and I guess I jumped to the worst. I went upstairs to talk to you anyway, but at some point… I decided…" You trail because this is the part you can't say. You wanted her so much that it started to feel like you were drowning, and all you wanted was an escape, and yet you feel like you're out of options in a way. She's got a hand in your heart, and in that hand is a knife. If you say the wrong thing, what if she twists? And even then, how the fuck could you have ever thought you could get rid of this feeling? You can't pull out the knife, you want it there, but at the same time you don't. Either way, she's there to stay. All you wanted was a little bit of fucking control, because honestly you've let some little fucking voice in the back of your head that sounds a hell of a lot like Tori control your mind, and your body.

"What did you decide?" She asks. You stare into her eyes and you find yourself blushing because you don't feel like you're allowed to, even though she's just a girl. And you have to remind yourself, you're actually older than her, she's not a judge, the wrong answer doesn't get you put in jail, but it doesn't exactly get you a place in a palace either. There's never any winning this fucking game for you. That's probably a reason why you don't believe in fairytales; your happy ending should've been here by now.

"I decided that you weren't…" You choke the words out and you're pretty close to hyperventilating. "You weren't worth it." She seems so shocked and you're immediately up and your arms unconsciously go around her when she moves to leave. You feel her tense and you can't see her face, but that's good, you're not distracted. You rest your head in the crook of her neck and steady your own breathing.

"Let me go, Jade." You laugh lightly.

"That's the thing, Vega. I fucking _can't._ I tried, last night with Beck. He was supposed to make me feel better, give me some big realization, make it so that I didn't need you to be happy. But it didn't work. It hasn't ever worked. I can't help it, I want you, simple as that, Tori." She's still tense in your arms and you're a little worked up right now, being this close to her. You've not hugged her in a very long time, and although this isn't quite a hug, it feels pretty damn good.

"How long have you liked me?" She asks quietly. You can't truly think of when it all started, it was just some random day, but it must've meant something, right? Something in you must've clicked even before this realization came to you. Probably when she first started at Hollywood Arts. Sometime during that first month, she grew on you, in a rash like way. You truly didn't like her then, she bugged you, and she was eyeing your boyfriend, and she was really good, raw talent. She made you jealous, because she was effortless, but still managed to achieve greatness. You thin k your feeling for her started to change around the time she literally produced your play. That's the nicest thing anyone has ever done to you, and it's not really like she had much competition. Prior to that little fiasco, the nicest thing to ever happen to you was your father buying you lunch when he saw you had no money to.

"Remember that play I wrote? Well Wishes, Cat starred in it." She nods and squirms slightly in your arms, but you just loosen your hold, you don't let go, because next time you're quite certain that she wouldn't let you catch her. "You helped me produce it, remember. Really you did almost everything, I mean, you left a kid suspended in the air, which was cool. We spent a lot of time together that week, yeah? It was the first time we'd really gotten along since you came here." She doesn't say anything for a minute, but you don't mind, your arms are still around her, you're not in a hurry, even though you're becoming more and more conscious of the fact that your friends are still just on the other side of a wall.

"You were still with Beck."

"I loved him, still, but you were getting to me in ways I didn't and only rarely understand even now. Seriously, you would walk by and I would get so fucking _heated,_ I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I tried to make it stop then, ya know, tried to keep my feelings for Beck, and that would've been easier if you'd just have left me the hell alone instead always being in my face and shit. I tried to tell you off all the time, I tried to make you feel like there was nothing inside me for you but serious dislike. But then I… I started thinking about you." You stop there to gather your thoughts and also because the sound of Andre's voice makes your heart jump. He was screaming something to Robbie that made you wonder if they were really on teams or not.

"What do you mean?" She asks, and you almost smile because it means she's interested in the conversation, and that makes you want to smile and blush at the same damn time considering you're really going deep down.

"I don't know, just thinking about you. Like I would be writing something, and I might end up adding a brunette, which is fine. But then I make her Latina. Weird and next thing I know, I'm in the story now too, and it's become something entirely different. I would find myself thinking of how you would do things as opposed to how everyone else would. Like when you get coffee. You put in sugar, then milk, and then cinnamon or whatever." You sigh because that's not a 'whatever' moment, you're being a creep, you just described how she makes coffee. Who the fuck are you, really? "And I would end up looking forward to seeing you, teasing you and stuff because it was fun and I couldn't really think iof any other way to hold your attention without seeming gay. Not that gay is a bad thing, or whatever it's just I didn't want to _be _gay, ya know? Like, playing… Well this is a bad example because I generally dislike most sports, but playing tennis is fun, but I don't want to _be_ a tennis player? Not that I'm saying being gay is a game just that-"

"I get it, Jade, you had your reputation in mind. Just… go on already, will you?" She's leaning into your arms more right now and it makes you lick your lips because if you just brought your hands _up just a little more-_

No. Bad. That's not a good move, tuck it into your back pocket for later though, Jadey. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

"I kind of just came to like you, Tori. It was gradual, and it was seriously slow, but it's definitely a real thing. I wasn't kidding when I said I couldn't help it. I tried, for a really long time, I figured I wouldn't feel this way if you thought I didn't like you, if I had a distraction. Nothing ever works, and I don't want it to. Last night I was with Beck to make myself forget about you, remember why I loved him and to go back to that, because liking you is _painful,_ Tori. It can really fucking _hurt._ I was just tired of hurting, and I got antsy waiting for you to _do something_. I told you I liked you, and then you wouldn't talk to me for days, and one thing just led to another."

"I still don't know how I feel about you, though. I mean, really, all that was sweet, and I'm flattered. But I just… I feel weird, and I'm annoyed, at you and Beck. I feel like I'm getting played, like you're trying to see who can get me first or something. I'm not a trophy, but that's what I feel like." And now you turn her to face you, and you stare into her eyes and shake your head. She's not allowed to feel like that, she's not supposed to feel this hurt whether or not she hurts yours or Beck's feelings. She's too good for that, and that's what you tell her.

"Vega, you mean much, much more than any trophy I could ever get. And it wouldn't be a victory, it'd be a miracle if you liked me back. Still, I'm not telling you that you have to love me or anything, I just want a chance to show you… You know, I really, um… I really care for you and, like, your happiness and stuff." You backed off sometime during your speech when you felt yourself being a little too forward. Now you're at arm's length and she's scanning your face you can feel while you stare at your shoes.

"Jade, I like you, too. It's just… I need time to think this through." She looks at you with a face that suggests that was the nice way to put it. Your face goes to that neutral look it usually has, the one that comes when you're not feeling well. You bite your lip to keep from crying, as this isn't the worst she could've said, you're well aware that 'no' was an option, and it could still break your heart if she said it. But your heart is already broken. It's never really been whole, and you've always been okay with that, but maybe it should scare you, since a part of you isn't here right now. It's just floating around, and you want to call it Numb, but it's not. It's something else, and it doesn't have a name, you don't even want to give it one. It's different from being numb. It hurts. But you're not ready to cry just yet.

"I get it." You're nodding your head. She begins to take steps backwards once she realizes you must be waiting for her to go in first. You let out a stammered breath and try to swallow the lump that's steadily forming in your throat, and she is quick to come closer once again. You see her bite her lip and once again you're both _really fucking close_. You swallow again, and you're debating letting your tears fall in front of her because all of a sudden she's staring you in the face, and you can't help it if you start blinking rapidly to stop them.

It's bound to happen, you know. You feel it coming again. You always feel it coming, her contact. And it's not something that makes sense to most, but you don't mind because there's just something when your skin connects, when she doesn't pull away from you. It's always a little victory in your heart. Someone once asked you to promise that you won't do something stupid if you get lonely, and you promised, but you're always lonely. And you briefly wonder is she's a special case when it comes to doing things that hurt you. Because you love shrimp, but if you suddenly became allergic, would you necessarily stop eating it? Or would you test your limits, because it's just that good? Not to the point where you would risk your life, because you would certainly have your doctor on speed dial, and a bottle of safety pills in your pocket, and even an epipen because you're always looking for quick fixes. Still, you wouldn't ever be able to stay away from Tori.

You're too fond of the warmth she brings to ever have the Prometheus that shines in you bow and give fire back. You can't say you would change your life if the choice was given. You're too stubborn to heed any warning label on a box, and Pandora's Box will always be too tempting. Curiosity killed the cat, but let's say for sure cats have nine lives. That's nine lives spent well, and you know you never go the same way if you're that damn curious. You shake your head to get rid of the thoughts though, because this girl is really in front of you, and she hasn't rejected you yet, so that means at the very least, she's open to a little… exploration, maybe.

So you step with her as she draws closer and you lose breaths that you don't care for the closer you get. You zone in on her irises and she's in front of you, but the space around somehow seems smaller than the closet did and you can't wait to close it, because you're a bit less out of your element this time. She seems to want some part of what you have to offer, and that's enough for you. Except you can never be sure, she has to move, even if it's barely a millimeter, it means she wants it too. And you aren't Beck, you're not going to avoid any signs of apprehension, so you pull away after a second of breathing the same air as her. She's lets out a shaky breath and you know you've made the right choice.

She looks down and her hands fiddle with themselves. She's nervous which, even though you're trying to be nicer in general, you can't help but revel in, because it means you affect her. You're not just… some fan of hers, and you know she has many. You reach to touch her shoulder, but your hand stalls and you settle for waiting for her to catch your gaze again. You hold her stare till she gives you her full attention.

"It's okay, you don't have to…do that." You know she gets what you mean. "Really, I'm not looking for anything but a chance."

It's this moment the two of you share where you're allowed to look her up, without any type of shyness because at some point you lost that shame that comes with pride. You have officially said your piece. The ball is in her court.

Again.

Except this time, it's more like you put it there.

* * *

**A/N: Hey! I really thought I might have this chapter up sooner, but obviously things happen, like my internet connection? It went away for a while! Yeah, the day I went to post, internet just shut off. But that ended up being good, because this was rewritten like… 3 times. Seriously, too much time on my hands, but at the same time not enough. I hope you liked it, I had a lot of trouble writing it. Like, a lot. It was annoying and I wanted different things to happen, and in the original version there was a dream sequence I decided wasn't necessary but was still kind of cool to play around with… The entire chapter was going to be a dream, and Jade was gonna wake up in the bathroom when Robbie came to pee, it was hectic. I hate to make a really long A/N but I have a question burning within me.**

**How do you use a semicolon? Because I just think I use commas **_**way **_**too much. Even though I really love the little guys…You don't actually have to tell me, because even if you do, I probably will just stick with commas… Still, it'd be nice to know, ya know?**

**I hope you enjoyed this!**

**Mai-Tt :):**


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